1. My Hooded Top

From the recording Album: The Night Squad's Here

Words & Music © Martin Craig.
All Rights Reserved.

This satirical song is about the absurdity of trying to control the population's clothing habits by force in an alleged democracy - burkini banners please note...


Today I strolled in a designer shop
Thinking of buying a brand-new top
Down by the racks I heard the salesman say
"I've got just the thing for a chilly day"

It was wool and cotton and the style was good
Logo on the chest and a nice deep hood
The name on the label made me double-take
But the man assured me that it was no fake

Out in the mall there was a chill in the air
So I pulled up my hood and took the moving stair
I bought a glossy lifestyle magazine
Sat down for a break with a coffee and cream

I was reading about the Politics of Fear
When I saw a security man was near
In a walkie-talkie he was mumbling low
I finished up my coffee and I got up to go

"Put your hands on your head, drop down on your knees!"
A loudhailer cracked like a swarm of bees
All around the mall I heard people shout
There was total panic as they fought their way out

Well I looked for an exit, but suddenly
Automatic rifles pointing at me
I tried to explain to the nearest cop
That I'd only come down to the mall to shop

"You're a terrorist! Or a Feral Youth!
It doesn't matter which, if you want the truth
You're wearing a hood so your face won't show
You're under arrest! Now come on, let's go!"

So I rolled up my lifestyle magazine
I stuck  it up my jumper, to keep it clean
I started walking, then I heard a shout
"He's concealing a weapon! Take him out!"

Bullets were ripping my flesh and bone
And back down the staircase I was thrown
Collapsed at the door of the designer shop
But they wouldn't take back my hooded top
(Spoken) I'd lost the receipt

Tonight in a hospital bed I lie
Detectives around me, asking "Why?"
"What were you doing, in that shop?
And why were you wearing a hooded top?"

On TV, a man in body armour
Was interviewed by Panorama
His face was stony and his voice was curt
As he said, "All citizens should stay alert."

So if you go to the mall, just wear a 'T'
Your hoodie's a threat to security
And just for making that fashion error
I'm the latest victim of The War On Terror

It was wool and cotton and the style was good
Logo on the chest and a nice deep hood
I was dropped where I stood, by a hyped-up cop
In my hooded top, in my hooded top

(Repeat last chorus)

(Repeat last line x 3 times to end).